After being diagnosed with depression, things have been hard. I argue a lot, I don't want to leave my room, I wont allow my daughter out of my sight, its tough. My habit... the arguing.
The last 2 days though haven't been as bad. There was a slight hiccup last night but that was out of my control. So let's start from yesterday and what happened...
My dad called me up and said my aunt was coming to visit so I had exactly 20 minutes to get up, showered, dressed and my little girl ready to go out. For any girl this is IMPOSSIBLE!! But with 10 minutes after the original time limit, I managed. I got into my dads car and we went to his work in Bellsquarry and the food was fantastic. The banter with family and staff, the company, it all made the day easier. As we left I was getting slight urges to be sad again but I stopped those feelings from over taking my body. I finally had slight control.
The rest of the day was great spending it with family. It was like nothing could go wrong, but that ended very quickly last night. But that's not something I want to get into. More something I wish to forget.
This morning was the regular routine. I got up, made bottles, fed my girl and then back to bed for a few hours kip before I had to get up, feed my girl and then do the housework. It wasn't like that at all when I got up. My partner and I just decided to have a day in bed. It was great. To just lie there and act like a normal couple, like how we used to. No arguments, no bickering, no shifty ways. Just us both lying in bed, a lap full of munchies and juice, Gotham playing on Netflix and our baby girl giggling at herself while she looks in the mirror on her play mat. That is the kind of afternoons I want. It's the ones I need to forget about the depression. Not once did it run through my head that i had to be sad or that I was worthless. I felt good about myself. I danced about the kitchen to the point he actually asked "what's put you in a good mood?" and then that look he gives, the one he gave me the day I realised that I fell in love with him. It's a mixture of a half smile and his eyes are just fixated on me. That's when I realised that we were suddenly getting back to a place where we used to be, we were realising how much we love each other.
We acted like teenagers. Staying up late, watching television and just cuddling up. It was like we fell in love all over again. I will never forget the exact moment that I fell in love with him. I will never forget the moment that I realised that he was the one for me.
Now that I have had an amazing day, my partner has went to work and myself and my 9 and a half week old baby girl are lying in bed, watching The Vampire Diaries. She keeps looking up to me with those big blue eyes of hers and all I can think about is our future. Our future as a family of 3. That is all I hope for... good thoughts. Without those good thoughts I wouldn't be able to sit here and write about my good few days.
Life should be like this all the time... but happiness doesn't last a lifetime. In the life of a depressed girl, it only lasts so long.
The last 2 days though haven't been as bad. There was a slight hiccup last night but that was out of my control. So let's start from yesterday and what happened...
My dad called me up and said my aunt was coming to visit so I had exactly 20 minutes to get up, showered, dressed and my little girl ready to go out. For any girl this is IMPOSSIBLE!! But with 10 minutes after the original time limit, I managed. I got into my dads car and we went to his work in Bellsquarry and the food was fantastic. The banter with family and staff, the company, it all made the day easier. As we left I was getting slight urges to be sad again but I stopped those feelings from over taking my body. I finally had slight control.
The rest of the day was great spending it with family. It was like nothing could go wrong, but that ended very quickly last night. But that's not something I want to get into. More something I wish to forget.
This morning was the regular routine. I got up, made bottles, fed my girl and then back to bed for a few hours kip before I had to get up, feed my girl and then do the housework. It wasn't like that at all when I got up. My partner and I just decided to have a day in bed. It was great. To just lie there and act like a normal couple, like how we used to. No arguments, no bickering, no shifty ways. Just us both lying in bed, a lap full of munchies and juice, Gotham playing on Netflix and our baby girl giggling at herself while she looks in the mirror on her play mat. That is the kind of afternoons I want. It's the ones I need to forget about the depression. Not once did it run through my head that i had to be sad or that I was worthless. I felt good about myself. I danced about the kitchen to the point he actually asked "what's put you in a good mood?" and then that look he gives, the one he gave me the day I realised that I fell in love with him. It's a mixture of a half smile and his eyes are just fixated on me. That's when I realised that we were suddenly getting back to a place where we used to be, we were realising how much we love each other.
We acted like teenagers. Staying up late, watching television and just cuddling up. It was like we fell in love all over again. I will never forget the exact moment that I fell in love with him. I will never forget the moment that I realised that he was the one for me.
Now that I have had an amazing day, my partner has went to work and myself and my 9 and a half week old baby girl are lying in bed, watching The Vampire Diaries. She keeps looking up to me with those big blue eyes of hers and all I can think about is our future. Our future as a family of 3. That is all I hope for... good thoughts. Without those good thoughts I wouldn't be able to sit here and write about my good few days.
Life should be like this all the time... but happiness doesn't last a lifetime. In the life of a depressed girl, it only lasts so long.
Briliant blogging
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