Its been a while since i have posted. Nearly a month now but things haven't gotten any easier. If anything they have gotten worse. The arguments, the tears, the pain and the fear. The fear of being alone run round my head in circles each and everyday. Knowing that their might be a chance that I could mess things up. Why I think like this I have no idea... but it doesn't stop. It's like it's on a constant loop. The arguments just get worse and uglier each time and each time there is always a slam at the door. That person walks out. I have got to that point now that I can't cry anymore, I want to but nothing. No water streaming down my face. Just my head held high for my Zoey and I. I keep listening to the same song on repeat. Zoey loves it. Anytime I open my mouth and sing it to her she smiles, she giggles, she looks happy. That is one thing in this life that makes me happy, seeing her smiling. Anytime i am sad and feel alone, i sing to her. I watch that beamin...
On Wednesday 18th April, I actually allowed Zoey to stay out for the night at my parents. I thought it was an ok idea at first, I had slight worry as myself and Zoey both have separation issues, but I done it. I came home and sat in the flat stairway and cried for 30 minutes. 30 whole minutes thinking about my baby girl and how all I wanted to do was cuddling her. I knew she was safe. Like of course she was, she was with my mum and dad. What made it worse was the messages from my parents saying about how well she was doing and my brother cuddling her and my little sister making sure she was ok. I was not ok. Another sleepless night of me worrying and constantly checking my phone. David eventually came in from work about 05:15 and I just cuddled him. He knew something was up but he just couldn't bring himself to ask because he knew it would upset me. But him being there, comforting me and making sure that I didn't feel alone made me feel slightly better. How hard can it be to ...