On Wednesday 18th April, I actually allowed Zoey to stay out for the night at my parents. I thought it was an ok idea at first, I had slight worry as myself and Zoey both have separation issues, but I done it. I came home and sat in the flat stairway and cried for 30 minutes. 30 whole minutes thinking about my baby girl and how all I wanted to do was cuddling her. I knew she was safe. Like of course she was, she was with my mum and dad. What made it worse was the messages from my parents saying about how well she was doing and my brother cuddling her and my little sister making sure she was ok. I was not ok. Another sleepless night of me worrying and constantly checking my phone.
David eventually came in from work about 05:15 and I just cuddled him. He knew something was up but he just couldn't bring himself to ask because he knew it would upset me. But him being there, comforting me and making sure that I didn't feel alone made me feel slightly better. How hard can it be to let a child stay away for the night? My parents were only thinking of me while they done it. It was so I could have a decent night sleep before college the next again day and at the end of the day I would have her in my arms by 13:00 the next day anyway. Thankfully they met me up the centre on the Thursday and I had her in my arms constantly. I couldn't believe how much I missed her.
Monday 23rd April David, Zoey and I went to visit my family for dinner. Giggles and smiles were shared all around and eventually comments about Zoey staying there again was mentioned. David looked at me waiting for a reply and at first I thought my parents were kidding but not soon after the conversation was brought up again. David said he didn't mind as he knew she was in good hands but it was my decision. It took me a few minutes to think about it but I eventually said yes. It would give David and I time to spend together whether it was movie night or an XBox night. So we left her.
I was on my phone a few times but it was a bit easier this time round. Maybe because it wasnt the first time? Maybe it was because I wasnt alone? A night where we would usually be running about daft cleaning, getting changing bags ready, washing clothes and making bottles for the 6am feeds turned into us raiding the cupboards for Galaxy chocolate and Smarties and going into the wine to taste the disgusting Chardonnay wine that I was given for Christmas (That soon changed to a bottle of Irn Bru) to us both battling it out on Fornite screaming at the TV for some idiots shooting us with Snipers. I only checked my phone a couple of times. I felt better. I was beginning to trust more people.
Right now ive currently got my little girl in her moses basket next to me, sound asleep but no doubt she will wake up just in time for her daddy walking in the door about 6am... which means her bottle is all ready for him to just put in the bottle warmer and feed her so I can get that couple of extra hours sleep before I have to walk into a 3 hour Economics lecture. I would take a sleepless night over that any day but the things you do for a better future is worth it in the end. I just need to keep myself positive!
David eventually came in from work about 05:15 and I just cuddled him. He knew something was up but he just couldn't bring himself to ask because he knew it would upset me. But him being there, comforting me and making sure that I didn't feel alone made me feel slightly better. How hard can it be to let a child stay away for the night? My parents were only thinking of me while they done it. It was so I could have a decent night sleep before college the next again day and at the end of the day I would have her in my arms by 13:00 the next day anyway. Thankfully they met me up the centre on the Thursday and I had her in my arms constantly. I couldn't believe how much I missed her.
Monday 23rd April David, Zoey and I went to visit my family for dinner. Giggles and smiles were shared all around and eventually comments about Zoey staying there again was mentioned. David looked at me waiting for a reply and at first I thought my parents were kidding but not soon after the conversation was brought up again. David said he didn't mind as he knew she was in good hands but it was my decision. It took me a few minutes to think about it but I eventually said yes. It would give David and I time to spend together whether it was movie night or an XBox night. So we left her.
I was on my phone a few times but it was a bit easier this time round. Maybe because it wasnt the first time? Maybe it was because I wasnt alone? A night where we would usually be running about daft cleaning, getting changing bags ready, washing clothes and making bottles for the 6am feeds turned into us raiding the cupboards for Galaxy chocolate and Smarties and going into the wine to taste the disgusting Chardonnay wine that I was given for Christmas (That soon changed to a bottle of Irn Bru) to us both battling it out on Fornite screaming at the TV for some idiots shooting us with Snipers. I only checked my phone a couple of times. I felt better. I was beginning to trust more people.
Right now ive currently got my little girl in her moses basket next to me, sound asleep but no doubt she will wake up just in time for her daddy walking in the door about 6am... which means her bottle is all ready for him to just put in the bottle warmer and feed her so I can get that couple of extra hours sleep before I have to walk into a 3 hour Economics lecture. I would take a sleepless night over that any day but the things you do for a better future is worth it in the end. I just need to keep myself positive!
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